Friday, July 15, 2011

The Final Battle

My glorious Thorax landed on the Hyperion. The shields peeled away like a banana. I confidently smashed the armor and brought it to critical meltdown. While discussing a proper ransom my kill was stolen from me along with my own ship being destroyed by a gang of 3 cloaky strategic cruisers. Upon returning to station I was informed that my pilots liscence will not be re-issued due to unpaid parking tickets. Looks like the end of the road for this space cowboy. Adios friends it was a trip.

It's a good thing I'm quitting the pirate life as my bankroll is near 0. I have enough isk for an exotic dancer a blaster and a plasma bullet. In a perfect world CCP would put a monument outside Heverice V station saying "Mr Snypes was the shit" but that's just a dream. Who the hell reads this blog anymore anyways? I guess my final words would be. There's more then just math and a flawless fit to being a good PVP pilot. That's just a lie used by others to bind you. It takes a touch of soul. If you believe in that, then you can fly like I do.

Mr Snypes out... *radio crackle*

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Invitation to Sesame st.

I was checking my fan mail when I happened to spot the most peculiar envelope with this card inside.

Naurally I couldn't resist a good party. I loaded the ship with space bunnies and we were off.

Unfortunately the invitation turned out to be a trap. Landing on the final gate a gang was waiting. I nonchalantly asked.

Mr Snypes > say can you guys tell me how to get to sesame st???

They responded by blowing my ship up.

Toshi Zawa > hehe
The Methatron > u have to stay some seconds later
The Methatron > we would have beamed u there

*** Yup, thats it... Help make better blog posts happen by saying no to gate camping :P ***

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Space Cowboy Round Two

Heverice was empty. A lone astrotumbleweed drifted past the bow of my Thorax as an uncalled for amount of crumbs cascaded down the front of my shirt with every bite of the incredibly dry granola bar I was eating.

"A TARGET!" I shouted as a barrage of granola bits pelted my console.

That tape was still stuck in the deck and would not eject.

I landed about 30k off the Fleet Stabber, locked target, and went to work. As soon as I saw local spike a large granola bit lodged itself in my throat causing me to choke. I fell forwards onto the acceleration lever clutching my throat. Luckily Lilly was near by to assist me as the ship powered up to full speed headed in a strait line.
The Stabber being an incredibly fast ship kept pace as it tried to keep point. Suddenly his gang landed but they were over 80k away.

My eyes were still watery but my windpipe was now clear and I was able to resume command of the ship just as the Stabber tried to run. He ran alright but only after his pod ejected from his exploding ship.

So in the end I managed to almost pod myself with a granola bar, kill a Fleet Stabber, and witness a terrible trap unfold. I even got the loot! Yay!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Space Cowboy

I had reached the end of the universe. Every last ISK had been spent on boose, smokes, and lavish hotel rooms. The vacation was truly over.

Stranded, I needed to somehow make enough ISK to buy a ship and my ticket back to the stars. An opportunity arose when I saw a group of hanger hands engaged in a game of poker. After some silver tongued word wizardry and placing the ownership papers to Space Bunnies magazine on the table the game was on.

It wasn't long before all the ISK they had and the ownership papers to exotic dancers Jane and Miss Calamity were mine.

Before they had a chance to try and win anything back I faked a text that my mother was calling for dinner, tipped my hat and was off.

Now it was off to the used ship dealer to see if I could afford anything spaceworthy with my new winnings.

There were several decent ships on the lot but I still didn't have enough ISK for any of them. Then in the corner of the hanger under a pile of used ship parts and scrap, I noticed what looked like a beat up old Thorax. It was rusty, with several bullet holes in the hull and some extra additions held on by what appeared to be duct tape. The salesman said the ship had been sitting in storage for ages because nobody wanted it. The previous owner had been some sort of Minmatar mad scientist and had made several home made alterations. The salesman said that if I could get it running and off his lot he would sell it to me for next to nothing.


Despite its appearance, and after a few tweaks, the ship was running well enough to take into space. I paid the man and was off.

There was a tape stuck in the malfunctioning deck that wouldn't eject.

The thing held up fairly well at first but the hybrid mix of Minmatar and Gallente technologies was highly unstable. It wasn't too long until sparks started flying and I was experiencing power outages across the grid. Fearing the worst I warped to a nearby planet so I wouldn't be stranded in space if a total breakdown occured. Upon landing the ship ground to a halt after several violent concussions rippled through the structure.

That's when the Rupture appeared.

"Shit!" I screamed as I started kicking one of the controll consoles. Suddenly an intense whirring sound started up and the ship shuttered back to life. The Rupture already had a point and was adding to the collection of bullet holse in my hull. I hit the gas. The thing suddenly had gobs of power and I was easily outrunning the pirate Rupture.

I returned fire and at 20k was matching the shield Rupture blow for blow. This Thorax was like some kind of wild animal. It wasn't too long before "poof" I was waving at the pirate's escape capesule as he warped off.

Feeling like a Rock Starr I finally made it back to Heverice ready to re-earn my fortunes in the space lanes.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Ebil Piwate

Hangin' out with Bubble Gum

A daring miner showed up on the scanner. He seemed quite content just sitting there mining away.

As an avid environmentalist I felt a burning rage build up inside of me as I saw the devastation being caused to the asteroid conservation zone. This sucker really thought he could get away with destroying an environmentally protected area just to make a quick buck! I decided to step in and bought him a ticket for the funeral expresss back to hi sec.

All was well in the universe again. Then an incoming transmission hit the screen.

Natuli > really? why did you have to kill me?
Natuli > kill my ship sure but my pod. really? come on
Mr Snypes > gf
Natuli > good fight sure when I am in a minning ship with no defense

Bubble Gum burst out laughing. I burst out laughing. By the time I managed to pull it together the transmission had ended. Oh well, back to business as usual.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Trippin' at the Disco

The light set fire to my brain as I opened my eyes for the first time and my hangover greeted me with a bright and chipper "good morning". I put my slippers on and quickly lit a smoke. The smell of bacon was present and the scraping sound of a spatula and pan could be heard. I turned the corner to the kitchen and nearly had a heart attack at what I saw.

After my heart kicked back into gear and my cigarette had landed several feet on the ground in front of me things finally settled into focus.

"Rough night huh? Do you even remember any of it?" Mars asked.

To be honest I didn't remember much so Mars filled me in on the rest. Apparently myself and several space bunnies were attending a large disco party in Avaux.

Apparently some jerks in office clothes going by the names of Phjil and Joss56 were quite drunk and trying to get fresh with some of the bunnies. When Phjil decided to move in for an inappropriate grab at Mars I had seen enough. A scuffle ensued and the result was those two getting kicked out of the party. All was well until it was time to go home.

Angry, the two from earlier had been waiting outside for me to come out. They watched as myself and Mars swervily aligned to a planet and warped off. The Eris was the first to land over 100km away followed by the Megathron. I was still officially on vacation but since I hadn't had a spaceship fight in ages I went for the Eris. Pew, pew, blam, kapow! My new Rifter was holding out well against the onslaught of evil hornet drones from the Mega and hopelessly out-ranged small blasters until this showed up on my display...

20:00:37 Combat Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I belonging to Joss56 hits you, doing 512.2 damage.

I shook my fist screaming "Watch it buddy!". But it was too late and all that was left of my ship was pieces.

Mars was still thankful that I stood up to that creep for her but I still hung my head in shame on the pod ride home. To make matters worse apparently some people in EVE don't like myself or the space bunnies and call me names when I've been reduced to a pod.

UmaThurman > ha Mr Sleazenes

I don't even know who that is :(

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Burnt Lands

Low sec in EVE reminds me of an inner city ghetto. Kids with ski masks ganging up on someone and threatening to stick em if he doesn't give up his chain and the $5 in his wallet. Pimped out "economy" class space ships flying around because nice rides get left on a stack of bricks with nothing left but the stale air freshener you were supposed to change 5 months ago. Seedy people hanging outside the stations wearing aviators, smoking a cigarette, eyeing people up until they see someone weak enough they can take his pocket change to get themselves a cup of coffee. You all get the idea.

Then, there's the rest of EVE. They know low sec exists. They certainly have opinions on it and about the people that choose to call it their home. They spot the low sec gates on their overview while surfing the calm relaxing currents of high sec in their luxury billion isk Sundays best. Or pass nearby on patrol scanning down the latest sites in 0.0 turf. They even give advice to newer players about low sec based on their assumptions of what it's like. This can be both hilarious and really annoying to players who actually live or know life in low sec. It's like me thinking I'm privileged, intelligent, and amazing enough to make wild statements based on assumption that high sec is full of nothing but a bunch of bumbling retards who couldn't find their way out of the noob zone because it's too big :P... It's not necessarily true but if I spammed it in the rookie channel using ALL CAPS some people might believe me.

Altho, Mr Snypes is officially on vacation I decided to start up a trial account and play a bit o EVE. This was actually inspired by a post made by a friend of the Tuskers I happened to read because it was linked by another Tusker blog that I checked because yet another Tusker blog mentioned something about a new post on the previous Tusker blog.... yeah there's a lot of Tusker blogs big whoop wanna fight about it? Anyways, it was about a 1 day old character who got lost in low sec and ended up having an impressive start to his EVE career thanks to some generous Tuskers.

With my new character I was quickly invited to the public chat of a noob training corp run by several 4-5 year old players... I asked some dumb questions to try and hide the fact I had previous experience then popped the PVP question. There was a lot of talk about needing to train tons of skills and needing expensive ships before i could start learning PVP to be any good. This 4 year old character even said that pirates were not PVPers!!! Thanks to these asses all the new players in that corp are screwed for the rest of their EVE careers. Do you think we will ever see any of those pilots in low sec? Hell no, they hardly know how to fit a mining laser yet they're so scared of low sec they would already piss themselves the second they saw a pirate light up a smoke or open a pack of chewing gum.

The only reason I play EVE is to have fun. So naturally as soon as possible I was out causing trouble and wound up with a few kills using a 4 day old trial character. I even ransomed a guy for money when i couldn't break his tank (he didn't notice) so I could buy better mods for my ship. The players in that noob corp looked at me like I was some sort of freak of nature. How did I kill that guy that was 5 months older then myself in a bigger ship they asked. Before the older players kicked me from the channel for "pirate" activities I just told the new guys a pirate taught me how to do it ;)