Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Burnt Lands

Low sec in EVE reminds me of an inner city ghetto. Kids with ski masks ganging up on someone and threatening to stick em if he doesn't give up his chain and the $5 in his wallet. Pimped out "economy" class space ships flying around because nice rides get left on a stack of bricks with nothing left but the stale air freshener you were supposed to change 5 months ago. Seedy people hanging outside the stations wearing aviators, smoking a cigarette, eyeing people up until they see someone weak enough they can take his pocket change to get themselves a cup of coffee. You all get the idea.

Then, there's the rest of EVE. They know low sec exists. They certainly have opinions on it and about the people that choose to call it their home. They spot the low sec gates on their overview while surfing the calm relaxing currents of high sec in their luxury billion isk Sundays best. Or pass nearby on patrol scanning down the latest sites in 0.0 turf. They even give advice to newer players about low sec based on their assumptions of what it's like. This can be both hilarious and really annoying to players who actually live or know life in low sec. It's like me thinking I'm privileged, intelligent, and amazing enough to make wild statements based on assumption that high sec is full of nothing but a bunch of bumbling retards who couldn't find their way out of the noob zone because it's too big :P... It's not necessarily true but if I spammed it in the rookie channel using ALL CAPS some people might believe me.

Altho, Mr Snypes is officially on vacation I decided to start up a trial account and play a bit o EVE. This was actually inspired by a post made by a friend of the Tuskers I happened to read because it was linked by another Tusker blog that I checked because yet another Tusker blog mentioned something about a new post on the previous Tusker blog.... yeah there's a lot of Tusker blogs big whoop wanna fight about it? Anyways, it was about a 1 day old character who got lost in low sec and ended up having an impressive start to his EVE career thanks to some generous Tuskers.

With my new character I was quickly invited to the public chat of a noob training corp run by several 4-5 year old players... I asked some dumb questions to try and hide the fact I had previous experience then popped the PVP question. There was a lot of talk about needing to train tons of skills and needing expensive ships before i could start learning PVP to be any good. This 4 year old character even said that pirates were not PVPers!!! Thanks to these asses all the new players in that corp are screwed for the rest of their EVE careers. Do you think we will ever see any of those pilots in low sec? Hell no, they hardly know how to fit a mining laser yet they're so scared of low sec they would already piss themselves the second they saw a pirate light up a smoke or open a pack of chewing gum.

The only reason I play EVE is to have fun. So naturally as soon as possible I was out causing trouble and wound up with a few kills using a 4 day old trial character. I even ransomed a guy for money when i couldn't break his tank (he didn't notice) so I could buy better mods for my ship. The players in that noob corp looked at me like I was some sort of freak of nature. How did I kill that guy that was 5 months older then myself in a bigger ship they asked. Before the older players kicked me from the channel for "pirate" activities I just told the new guys a pirate taught me how to do it ;)


Sunday, July 11, 2010

The Daughter of the Honey Maker

Ghosts of my past began to haunt my mind as I lay in vacation paradise. The space bunnies were playing volleyball, surfing, laughing, playing all around yet my thoughts felt distant. Perhaps I had one drink too many I thought as the blackness consumed me.

Space, my home, my hunting ground, my way of life in new eden. The space bar was pretty vacant by Tash-Murkon standards. The regular riffraff must have been out harassing the latest miner in the vast beltscape that surrounded it's most infamous planet. I was about ready to leave when beauty showed it's face. She scanned the bar for a moment then stepped up to me and introduced herself as Miss Honey Bee.

My first reaction was "What the hell are you wearing?" but the hypnotic scent of honey swirled through the air and began to numb my mind.

"I need a strong pilot to help me with an important mission" She whispered into my ear.

I can't remember much what happened but next thing I knew like a good worker bee I was out in the belts of Tash-Murkon in a Vexor mining veldspar into a honey pot. The regular flies came to visit but having died to my swatter before left the scene. Then a new face showed.

"Vexor, Vexor strong and bold. I'll take your honey into my hold" said the Rifter pilot who warped into the belt.

"You people are damn weird" I said as I made my way back to station to swat this arrogant fly. I fitted weapons and made my way back to the scene. Little did I know a devious trap had been laid for me by the enemies of Miss Honey Bee.

The Rifter had left and agression was gone. I figured I would just re-flip the honey pot and resume. Moments after I had done this a Rapier had decloaked and locked me down. I didn't even know what a Rapier was yet I fought back with all my might.

For most people getting tackled by a Rapier isn't usually a good thing. On this day however with a small percentage of hull left my Vexor emerged victorious. I was still a young pilot of about 4 months old at the time and this was before the age of cheap rigs. I actually had to look up what type of ship I had killed after the dust settled.

Miss Honey Bee showed her appreciation on the ride back to station. Everything was cool and dandy until she introduced me to the rest of her family.

That's when the hypnotic sense of honey lost it's touch and i got the hell out of that weird ass system.


Thursday, July 8, 2010

I See Double: Spirit of the Month

It's time for another installment of spirit of the month. Yeah I missed the month of June because whatever it was I drank made me forget. This month however it's Iceberg Vodka.

To the naked eye this stuff looks like it would be absolutely terrible. The packaging screams drink mouthwash instead because it would taste better. It took a long while to build up the courage to try a first sip and I was prepared for the worst. In the end it was quite smooth and non-offensive. This I believe is the boozes strongest secret. It disguises itself from booze snobs who would ultimately catch on and drive the price way up. Since this stuff looks so cheap it could blind you most people don't even bother trying it I'd imagine to discover it's really a decent vodka for it's price range. Just don't let your guests see the bottle otherwise you may be spending the night alone.

Enough booze makes any party fun however. Even this one :P

So party on my fellow pirates and catch a wench by the toe... if she hollers let her go for a small isk donation otherwise send her back to the clone vat.