My glorious Thorax landed on the Hyperion. The shields peeled away like a banana. I confidently smashed the armor and brought it to critical meltdown. While discussing a proper ransom my kill was stolen from me along with my own ship being destroyed by a gang of 3 cloaky strategic cruisers. Upon returning to station I was informed that my pilots liscence will not be re-issued due to unpaid parking tickets. Looks like the end of the road for this space cowboy. Adios friends it was a trip.
It's a good thing I'm quitting the pirate life as my bankroll is near 0. I have enough isk for an exotic dancer a blaster and a plasma bullet. In a perfect world CCP would put a monument outside Heverice V station saying "Mr Snypes was the shit" but that's just a dream. Who the hell reads this blog anymore anyways? I guess my final words would be. There's more then just math and a flawless fit to being a good PVP pilot. That's just a lie used by others to bind you. It takes a touch of soul. If you believe in that, then you can fly like I do.
I had reached the end of the universe. Every last ISK had been spent on boose, smokes, and lavish hotel rooms. The vacation was truly over.
Stranded, I needed to somehow make enough ISK to buy a ship and my ticket back to the stars. An opportunity arose when I saw a group of hanger hands engaged in a game of poker. After some silver tongued word wizardry and placing the ownership papers to Space Bunnies magazine on the table the game was on.
It wasn't long before all the ISK they had and the ownership papers to exotic dancers Jane and Miss Calamity were mine.
Before they had a chance to try and win anything back I faked a text that my mother was calling for dinner, tipped my hat and was off.
Now it was off to the used ship dealer to see if I could afford anything spaceworthy with my new winnings.
There were several decent ships on the lot but I still didn't have enough ISK for any of them. Then in the corner of the hanger under a pile of used ship parts and scrap, I noticed what looked like a beat up old Thorax. It was rusty, with several bullet holes in the hull and some extra additions held on by what appeared to be duct tape. The salesman said the ship had been sitting in storage for ages because nobody wanted it. The previous owner had been some sort of Minmatar mad scientist and had made several home made alterations. The salesman said that if I could get it running and off his lot he would sell it to me for next to nothing.
Deal!
Despite its appearance, and after a few tweaks, the ship was running well enough to take into space. I paid the man and was off.
There was a tape stuck in the malfunctioning deck that wouldn't eject.
The thing held up fairly well at first but the hybrid mix of Minmatar and Gallente technologies was highly unstable. It wasn't too long until sparks started flying and I was experiencing power outages across the grid. Fearing the worst I warped to a nearby planet so I wouldn't be stranded in space if a total breakdown occured. Upon landing the ship ground to a halt after several violent concussions rippled through the structure.
That's when the Rupture appeared.
"Shit!" I screamed as I started kicking one of the controll consoles. Suddenly an intense whirring sound started up and the ship shuttered back to life. The Rupture already had a point and was adding to the collection of bullet holse in my hull. I hit the gas. The thing suddenly had gobs of power and I was easily outrunning the pirate Rupture.
I returned fire and at 20k was matching the shield Rupture blow for blow. This Thorax was like some kind of wild animal. It wasn't too long before "poof" I was waving at the pirate's escape capesule as he warped off.
Feeling like a Rock Starr I finally made it back to Heverice ready to re-earn my fortunes in the space lanes.
A daring miner showed up on the scanner. He seemed quite content just sitting there mining away.
As an avid environmentalist I felt a burning rage build up inside of me as I saw the devastation being caused to the asteroid conservation zone. This sucker really thought he could get away with destroying an environmentally protected area just to make a quick buck! I decided to step in and bought him a ticket for the funeral expresss back to hi sec.
All was well in the universe again. Then an incoming transmission hit the screen.
Natuli > really? why did you have to kill me? Natuli > kill my ship sure but my pod. really? come on Mr Snypes > gf Natuli > good fight sure when I am in a minning ship with no defense
Bubble Gum burst out laughing. I burst out laughing. By the time I managed to pull it together the transmission had ended. Oh well, back to business as usual.
Low sec in EVE reminds me of an inner city ghetto. Kids with ski masks ganging up on someone and threatening to stick em if he doesn't give up his chain and the $5 in his wallet. Pimped out "economy" class space ships flying around because nice rides get left on a stack of bricks with nothing left but the stale air freshener you were supposed to change 5 months ago. Seedy people hanging outside the stations wearing aviators, smoking a cigarette, eyeing people up until they see someone weak enough they can take his pocket change to get themselves a cup of coffee. You all get the idea.
Then, there's the rest of EVE. They know low sec exists. They certainly have opinions on it and about the people that choose to call it their home. They spot the low sec gates on their overview while surfing the calm relaxing currents of high sec in their luxury billion isk Sundays best. Or pass nearby on patrol scanning down the latest sites in 0.0 turf. They even give advice to newer players about low sec based on their assumptions of what it's like. This can be both hilarious and really annoying to players who actually live or know life in low sec. It's like me thinking I'm privileged, intelligent, and amazing enough to make wild statements based on assumption that high sec is full of nothing but a bunch of bumbling retards who couldn't find their way out of the noob zone because it's too big :P... It's not necessarily true but if I spammed it in the rookie channel using ALL CAPS some people might believe me.
Altho, Mr Snypes is officially on vacation I decided to start up a trial account and play a bit o EVE. This was actually inspired by a post made by a friend of the Tuskers I happened to read because it was linked by another Tusker blog that I checked because yet another Tusker blog mentioned something about a new post on the previous Tusker blog.... yeah there's a lot of Tusker blogs big whoop wanna fight about it? Anyways, it was about a 1 day old character who got lost in low sec and ended up having an impressive start to his EVE career thanks to some generous Tuskers.
With my new character I was quickly invited to the public chat of a noob training corp run by several 4-5 year old players... I asked some dumb questions to try and hide the fact I had previous experience then popped the PVP question. There was a lot of talk about needing to train tons of skills and needing expensive ships before i could start learning PVP to be any good. This 4 year old character even said that pirates were not PVPers!!! Thanks to these asses all the new players in that corp are screwed for the rest of their EVE careers. Do you think we will ever see any of those pilots in low sec? Hell no, they hardly know how to fit a mining laser yet they're so scared of low sec they would already piss themselves the second they saw a pirate light up a smoke or open a pack of chewing gum.
The only reason I play EVE is to have fun. So naturally as soon as possible I was out causing trouble and wound up with a few kills using a 4 day old trial character. I even ransomed a guy for money when i couldn't break his tank (he didn't notice) so I could buy better mods for my ship. The players in that noob corp looked at me like I was some sort of freak of nature. How did I kill that guy that was 5 months older then myself in a bigger ship they asked. Before the older players kicked me from the channel for "pirate" activities I just told the new guys a pirate taught me how to do it ;)
Ghosts of my past began to haunt my mind as I lay in vacation paradise. The space bunnies were playing volleyball, surfing, laughing, playing all around yet my thoughts felt distant. Perhaps I had one drink too many I thought as the blackness consumed me.
Space, my home, my hunting ground, my way of life in new eden. The space bar was pretty vacant by Tash-Murkon standards. The regular riffraff must have been out harassing the latest miner in the vast beltscape that surrounded it's most infamous planet. I was about ready to leave when beauty showed it's face. She scanned the bar for a moment then stepped up to me and introduced herself as Miss Honey Bee.
My first reaction was "What the hell are you wearing?" but the hypnotic scent of honey swirled through the air and began to numb my mind.
"I need a strong pilot to help me with an important mission" She whispered into my ear.
I can't remember much what happened but next thing I knew like a good worker bee I was out in the belts of Tash-Murkon in a Vexor mining veldspar into a honey pot. The regular flies came to visit but having died to my swatter before left the scene. Then a new face showed.
"Vexor, Vexor strong and bold. I'll take your honey into my hold" said the Rifter pilot who warped into the belt.
"You people are damn weird" I said as I made my way back to station to swat this arrogant fly. I fitted weapons and made my way back to the scene. Little did I know a devious trap had been laid for me by the enemies of Miss Honey Bee.
The Rifter had left and agression was gone. I figured I would just re-flip the honey pot and resume. Moments after I had done this a Rapier had decloaked and locked me down. I didn't even know what a Rapier was yet I fought back with all my might.
For most people getting tackled by a Rapier isn't usually a good thing. On this day however with a small percentage of hull left my Vexor emerged victorious. I was still a young pilot of about 4 months old at the time and this was before the age of cheap rigs. I actually had to look up what type of ship I had killed after the dust settled.
Miss Honey Bee showed her appreciation on the ride back to station. Everything was cool and dandy until she introduced me to the rest of her family.
That's when the hypnotic sense of honey lost it's touch and i got the hell out of that weird ass system.
It's time for another installment of spirit of the month. Yeah I missed the month of June because whatever it was I drank made me forget. This month however it's Iceberg Vodka.
To the naked eye this stuff looks like it would be absolutely terrible. The packaging screams drink mouthwash instead because it would taste better. It took a long while to build up the courage to try a first sip and I was prepared for the worst. In the end it was quite smooth and non-offensive. This I believe is the boozes strongest secret. It disguises itself from booze snobs who would ultimately catch on and drive the price way up. Since this stuff looks so cheap it could blind you most people don't even bother trying it I'd imagine to discover it's really a decent vodka for it's price range. Just don't let your guests see the bottle otherwise you may be spending the night alone.
Enough booze makes any party fun however. Even this one :P
So party on my fellow pirates and catch a wench by the toe... if she hollers let her go for a small isk donation otherwise send her back to the clone vat.
Well friends, the Ishkurwagon is packed and the surfboards are attached to the roof. Mr. Snypes has filed his papers with the Tuskers and is now officially off on vacation. My crew and I have selected a nice recreational beach planet to enjoy ourselves on. Many space bunnies will be sporting the latest summer fashions as well.
Hook
Vegas
Lotus
and Foxy
... are just some of the girls who were kind enough to feature in the summer issue of Space Bunnies magazine.
Luckily for you guys (the readers) I will still continue posting throughout the summer. I have many EVE related stories that have yet to be told. This should hopefully tide some of you over until I bring my account online when summer is over. I enjoy writing these posts and would not like to see this blog fall into the "inactive" category.
Hello friends, Mr Snypes hasn't been up to too much this week besides helping dust some war target scum in a rather dull engagement of undock, click, click, watch explosion, dock. Mrs Snypes has been enforcing a strict regiment of spring cleaning along with some regular market transactions so this poor pirate hasn't seen much action. It's times like these I often find myself staring out the space station window surrounded by empty bottles reflecting on past glories...
Her name was Phoenix, a fresh graduate from the Space Bunnies Academy.
I was upset over some rookie calling me an asshat after he narrowly escaped my scrambler. I probably had a few too many drinks as a result. Leaving system I vaguely remember screaming at some industrial pilot to keep off the road as I slammed into the side of his large vessel on the stargate. No real damage had been done luckily.
After spending a moment gathering my thoughts Phoenix suddenly asked if she could take control of the Incursus class frigate for a while. I only have one response when a space bunny asks to fly one of my ships and it's "can you fly stick?". Judging by her grin I could see she at least appreciated my corny humor so I gave her control of the ship.
Phoenix onlined the audio system and selected a track.
It wasn't long before we found ourselves face to face with a small frig gang who appeared to be visiting from high sec. They locked our Incursus and started firing. One Incursus from their fleet had jumped through the stargate to Ladister in an attempt to catch us should we try to flee. A Punisher, Rifter, and Ares remained on the Aschee side of the Aschee/Ladister gate. In an attempt to separate our foes Phoenix initiated the jump sequence causing the ship to lurch from the activation of the giant stargate.
Upon landing in Ladister the enemy Incursus was allowed to tackle us as the Ares soon followed. By the time the dust had settled they had lost an Incursus and a Punisher before killing my Incursus. Hats off to Phoenix for a job well done. I wasn't too upset about the loss considering the odds. We sped back to Heverice and celebrated the exciting engagement in the close quarters of my luxury escape capsule ;)
I was spending a little recreational time (and isk) in one of Heverice's fine space pubs. Suddenly four beautiful women entered and sat next to me at the bar. After a second glance it turned out there were only two and I was just seeing double. Introductions were made and I learned that they went by the names of Broadway
and Poppy Seed.
Poppy Seed made her way to the antique jukebox and selected a song.
Apparently they were two drifters that happened to be passing through the area. After several drinks things were getting pretty out of control and we found ourselves stumbling around the hanger district. It wasn't but moments later that a brand new Incursus class frigate was being loaded with spirits and prepared for undock. It's name was "Mexico or Bust" and this was just the beginning of a reckless week of mayhem. We boarded the ship...
Most of what happened is now a blur but we made sport of many rookie pilots... Rifter, Rifter, Incursus, Execuror, Thorax, Rifter, Incursus, Merlin, Merlin, Retriever, Cormorant, and Punisher... For any rookie pirate looking to become a Tusker that right there friends with only one ship is more then enough to meet the solo kill requirement of the Tuskers.
I ran into a few fellow Tuskers along the way and teamed up to kill an Execuror, Rifter, and a Caracal
Poppy Seed also bet me I couldn't ninja on an Archon class carrier killmail with a silly rookie ship.
9 Pods were destroyed.
We also made a new friend
Jarvan Gray > lol you even looted my wreck for the t1 items? Jarvan Gray > thats a new low Jarvan Gray > Its kinda sad even Jarvan Gray > the tuskers here yesterday would win fights, then leave their T2 drones lying around because it was too much effort to scoop them up again Jarvan Gray > I may have to eve-mail your ceo as to your lack of omnipotence Jarvan Gray > very disapointing Mr Snypes > the rest of the corp is asking who your favourite tuskers are Jarvan Gray > Shrafe was the fellow who so masterfully ganked everyone in the system yesterday Mr Snypes > hmm seems like a good choice he's got top spot for kills this week so far Jarvan Gray > The eve Mail has been Sent, I'm sure Mr. jolo will reprimand you in short order! Mr Snypes > excellent I'm sure I will get to read it soon Jarvan Gray > You will recieve a firm talking to, no doubt Jarvan Gray > If that doesn't make you tremble in your space booties, I dont know what will Mr Snypes > Pop music is about the only thing I'm affraid of Jarvan Gray > Then perhaps it will be played on your TS Jarvan Gray > I know how ruthless you pirate types are
Partied with other pirates in local...
Mr Snypes > Somebody throws a baby.... Oh sh*t! Do a spin move and catch it and the crowd goes crazy! Mr Snypes > \o/ eviwyn > xD eviwyn > (o) *eviwyn crowsurfs eviwyn > lol eviwyn > late on evening == bad spelling xD Mr Snypes > no worries pirates aren't supposed to be good at spelling eviwyn > true :D eviwyn > as long as we do the yarrr its all fine *Mr Snypes does a killer dance move before selecting jump Mr Snypes > o7 eviwyn > o7
Sure there aren't any seriously epic or amazing kills in there but it just goes to show you can have THAT much fun for the price of one frigate. As I was ejected from the ship I swear I saw another escape capsule make it's way to safety. I have a feeling that's not the last any of us will see of Broadway and Poppy Seed as they make their way across the galaxy one adventure at a time.
Ok first off after drinking this stuff you will completely deny losing any ships untill the next morning when you check your killboard... This is a promise. Drink on fellow pirates.
(Just something to listen to while you read that will add to the post)
I was off the bridge spending a little personal time in the Captains quarters with crew members Cherry, and Daisy.
The ship was drifting off a planet in a quiet section of space. Suddenly, the alarms sounded and a call to battle stations came over the intercom. I thew on my bathrobe and pirate boxers and ran towards the bridge with no time for such details as socks or a uniform. Upon arriving a Diemos class Heavy Assult Ship was 24km off my mighty Thorax class cruiser. Upon a closer inspection he was fielding T2 medium blasters. Instead of running like a coward I saw my advantage and ordered an orbit set for 17km and began firing my scorch loaded medium pulse lasers in addition to setting a deck of medium drones upon my foe.
Things were looking pretty groovy as I appeared faster then my foe and he had no real way of reaching me other then a set of med drones he himself had fielded. All of a sudden time stood still. I had a vision that I was some primitive humanoid playing an inferior game device that had frozen and refused to function properly. By the time the vision had faded the Diemos had overheated and caught me in close quarters. I did what I could and swapped to multifrequency but by the time I was able to overheat my own microwarpdrive and pull away once again the damage had been done. At about 20km just moments from completing my escape maneuver the mighty Rainbow Sprinkles succumbed to drone fire and disintegrated into a fireball.
I was depressed. I truly believe that I stood a chance against such a ship and the glory of my win would have been epic and cemented the success of my laser nano thorax into the history books. Unfortunately the gods decided to punish me for my sins. Hopefully Cherry and Daisy managed to escape from the doomed ship because I still had some unfinished business with them. Pirate life can be heartbreaking at times.
So, the lovely Mrs Snypes was running some errands in high sec while Mr Snypes was off to his book club meeting (at least that's what he had told her). An invitation to chat popped up and a young chap sounding very much like a telemarketer began his pitch... As a joke Mr Snypes is linked directly in her bio wich tells me that this guy hadn't even checked to see what sort of character I was. The following is a bit of the conversation and in brackets are Mrs Snypes thoughts on the matter.
Smythis > hi Mrs Snypes > hello Smythis > I was wondering if you could help us out? (possible profit? scam? go on) Mrs Snypes > in what way? Smythis > We need dedicated people to help us build a corporation you interested? (Oh god here we go) Smythis > We're currently building an navy. As a corp we RTM ( Recruit, Train, as well as Maintain ) members into the organization. (blah, blah, blah RTM? are you serious? I'm so dazzled by your ability to use such professional terms) Smythis > As a member of s13. You'll be treated with respect. You'll be a valued asset to our corporation. (A lot more then that lousy Mr Snypes has ever given me) Mrs Snypes > (name removed for security purposes) you should ask that guy Smythis > We're asking you. Smythis > It is an honor to be in our corp. Smythis > We need capable leaders in leadership positions. You could be one of them. (Yes a homemaker/trade alt like myself would make such an excellent leader) Mrs Snypes > so are you guys like pirates plotting to take over new eden disguised as a neutral corp? Smythis > No we are not pirates. Smythis > We are actually anit piracy.
( ...)
Smythis > Currently working on getting our standings higher. Smythis > We're at war with griefer corps but we've never surrendered. (because you made them surrender instead right?) Mrs Snypes > anti piracy? how do you manage that? aren't pirates like the best pvp pilots in the game? Smythis > We'll that's the goal anyways. We're not quite there, but we're working on it. We need your help and people like you to stop this threat to new eden. (My help? I'm just a dumb trade alt... wait what? threat to new eden?) Smythis > Interested? (hell no) Smythis > We do not randomly attack people. Our goals and agenda are the growth and success of s13 period. Mrs Snypes > I understand being an anti griefer but taking on pirates is too scarry for me Smythis > By the time we get to that point our numbers will be in the hundreds. Smythis > It's still a ways out. Smythis > For example our current corp capacity is 100 people. Smythis > We only have I believe 20 members though. (Wow, I'm surprised you have that many to be honest are they alts of yours?) Smythis > We're currently working on increasing the corp capacity as well. Smythis > We need your help with Recruiting, Training, as well as Maintaing members into the organization. (So basically I do your job? Sounds like fun when can I start!!!) Smythis > When you standing side by side in an epic battle with the very same people you've come to recruit, train, as well as maintain. You'll have known it was all worth it. (So that "RTM" in action right?) Mrs Snypes > I don't like teaming up on people... I would feel more proud about winning a difficult fight based on skill rather then numbers :/ Smythis > If there is war declared upon us. And it happens. We will bring our forces into the fold to defend our corporations assets. Our members our our biggest asset. We will not declair war on other corporations as a general rule. Mrs Snypes > so are you expecting plenty of war or a lot of peace and quiet? Smythis > I would hope for peace. As we continue to grow I forsee others having issue with our operational success. This is why we "R,T,M". To ensure we as a corporation exist and have some measure of success. (I just love it when you keep repeating RTM it's soo dreamy) Smythis > I want you apart of that success Snypes. (Me? I'm so lucky!!! but you don't even know me... what if I were a terrible person, or worse a pirates trade alt)
...
The convo went on and we talked about the space hobo lifestyle and the wild asteroid protection act etc... I felt a bit bad wasting his precious recruitment time but I needed to entertain myself while I was filling out orders and trying to buy ships and modules to use against everything that poor recruiter believed in. Sigh oh well.
Note: RTM is a registered trademark of the s13 corperation.
First before I introduce myself could I guide your mouse to the link below to enhance this posts entertainment value as you read on.
I Mr Snypes, self proclaimed intergalactic man of leisure, would like to introduce you to my logs. I am a New Eden space pirate currently flying among the ranks of the Tuskers. Women, tobacco, and spirits are my life and in order to afford the expensive nature of my habbits you can often find me stalking the space lanes in the Verge Vendor region.
I am also the founder of a rehabilitation program geared towards helping and training former exotic dancers for meaningful careers in space. Many of the top graduates are often hired directly by myself as crew members on my ships. The academy raises funds through the highly popular Space Bunnies magazine that is released on a monthly basis featuring many of the girls currently studying at the academy.
I live life in the fast lane and these logs shall document my adventures.
