My glorious Thorax landed on the Hyperion. The shields peeled away like a banana. I confidently smashed the armor and brought it to critical meltdown. While discussing a proper ransom my kill was stolen from me along with my own ship being destroyed by a gang of 3 cloaky strategic cruisers. Upon returning to station I was informed that my pilots liscence will not be re-issued due to unpaid parking tickets. Looks like the end of the road for this space cowboy. Adios friends it was a trip.
It's a good thing I'm quitting the pirate life as my bankroll is near 0. I have enough isk for an exotic dancer a blaster and a plasma bullet. In a perfect world CCP would put a monument outside Heverice V station saying "Mr Snypes was the shit" but that's just a dream. Who the hell reads this blog anymore anyways? I guess my final words would be. There's more then just math and a flawless fit to being a good PVP pilot. That's just a lie used by others to bind you. It takes a touch of soul. If you believe in that, then you can fly like I do.
Heverice was empty. A lone astrotumbleweed drifted past the bow of my Thorax as an uncalled for amount of crumbs cascaded down the front of my shirt with every bite of the incredibly dry granola bar I was eating.
"A TARGET!" I shouted as a barrage of granola bits pelted my console.
That tape was still stuck in the deck and would not eject.
I landed about 30k off the Fleet Stabber, locked target, and went to work. As soon as I saw local spike a large granola bit lodged itself in my throat causing me to choke. I fell forwards onto the acceleration lever clutching my throat. Luckily Lilly was near by to assist me as the ship powered up to full speed headed in a strait line.
The Stabber being an incredibly fast ship kept pace as it tried to keep point. Suddenly his gang landed but they were over 80k away.
My eyes were still watery but my windpipe was now clear and I was able to resume command of the ship just as the Stabber tried to run. He ran alright but only after his pod ejected from his exploding ship.
So in the end I managed to almost pod myself with a granola bar, kill a Fleet Stabber, and witness a terrible trap unfold. I even got the loot! Yay!
I had reached the end of the universe. Every last ISK had been spent on boose, smokes, and lavish hotel rooms. The vacation was truly over.
Stranded, I needed to somehow make enough ISK to buy a ship and my ticket back to the stars. An opportunity arose when I saw a group of hanger hands engaged in a game of poker. After some silver tongued word wizardry and placing the ownership papers to Space Bunnies magazine on the table the game was on.
It wasn't long before all the ISK they had and the ownership papers to exotic dancers Jane and Miss Calamity were mine.
Before they had a chance to try and win anything back I faked a text that my mother was calling for dinner, tipped my hat and was off.
Now it was off to the used ship dealer to see if I could afford anything spaceworthy with my new winnings.
There were several decent ships on the lot but I still didn't have enough ISK for any of them. Then in the corner of the hanger under a pile of used ship parts and scrap, I noticed what looked like a beat up old Thorax. It was rusty, with several bullet holes in the hull and some extra additions held on by what appeared to be duct tape. The salesman said the ship had been sitting in storage for ages because nobody wanted it. The previous owner had been some sort of Minmatar mad scientist and had made several home made alterations. The salesman said that if I could get it running and off his lot he would sell it to me for next to nothing.
Deal!
Despite its appearance, and after a few tweaks, the ship was running well enough to take into space. I paid the man and was off.
There was a tape stuck in the malfunctioning deck that wouldn't eject.
The thing held up fairly well at first but the hybrid mix of Minmatar and Gallente technologies was highly unstable. It wasn't too long until sparks started flying and I was experiencing power outages across the grid. Fearing the worst I warped to a nearby planet so I wouldn't be stranded in space if a total breakdown occured. Upon landing the ship ground to a halt after several violent concussions rippled through the structure.
That's when the Rupture appeared.
"Shit!" I screamed as I started kicking one of the controll consoles. Suddenly an intense whirring sound started up and the ship shuttered back to life. The Rupture already had a point and was adding to the collection of bullet holse in my hull. I hit the gas. The thing suddenly had gobs of power and I was easily outrunning the pirate Rupture.
I returned fire and at 20k was matching the shield Rupture blow for blow. This Thorax was like some kind of wild animal. It wasn't too long before "poof" I was waving at the pirate's escape capesule as he warped off.
Feeling like a Rock Starr I finally made it back to Heverice ready to re-earn my fortunes in the space lanes.
Ghosts of my past began to haunt my mind as I lay in vacation paradise. The space bunnies were playing volleyball, surfing, laughing, playing all around yet my thoughts felt distant. Perhaps I had one drink too many I thought as the blackness consumed me.
Space, my home, my hunting ground, my way of life in new eden. The space bar was pretty vacant by Tash-Murkon standards. The regular riffraff must have been out harassing the latest miner in the vast beltscape that surrounded it's most infamous planet. I was about ready to leave when beauty showed it's face. She scanned the bar for a moment then stepped up to me and introduced herself as Miss Honey Bee.
My first reaction was "What the hell are you wearing?" but the hypnotic scent of honey swirled through the air and began to numb my mind.
"I need a strong pilot to help me with an important mission" She whispered into my ear.
I can't remember much what happened but next thing I knew like a good worker bee I was out in the belts of Tash-Murkon in a Vexor mining veldspar into a honey pot. The regular flies came to visit but having died to my swatter before left the scene. Then a new face showed.
"Vexor, Vexor strong and bold. I'll take your honey into my hold" said the Rifter pilot who warped into the belt.
"You people are damn weird" I said as I made my way back to station to swat this arrogant fly. I fitted weapons and made my way back to the scene. Little did I know a devious trap had been laid for me by the enemies of Miss Honey Bee.
The Rifter had left and agression was gone. I figured I would just re-flip the honey pot and resume. Moments after I had done this a Rapier had decloaked and locked me down. I didn't even know what a Rapier was yet I fought back with all my might.
For most people getting tackled by a Rapier isn't usually a good thing. On this day however with a small percentage of hull left my Vexor emerged victorious. I was still a young pilot of about 4 months old at the time and this was before the age of cheap rigs. I actually had to look up what type of ship I had killed after the dust settled.
Miss Honey Bee showed her appreciation on the ride back to station. Everything was cool and dandy until she introduced me to the rest of her family.
That's when the hypnotic sense of honey lost it's touch and i got the hell out of that weird ass system.
Hello friends, Mr Snypes hasn't been up to too much this week besides helping dust some war target scum in a rather dull engagement of undock, click, click, watch explosion, dock. Mrs Snypes has been enforcing a strict regiment of spring cleaning along with some regular market transactions so this poor pirate hasn't seen much action. It's times like these I often find myself staring out the space station window surrounded by empty bottles reflecting on past glories...
Her name was Phoenix, a fresh graduate from the Space Bunnies Academy.
I was upset over some rookie calling me an asshat after he narrowly escaped my scrambler. I probably had a few too many drinks as a result. Leaving system I vaguely remember screaming at some industrial pilot to keep off the road as I slammed into the side of his large vessel on the stargate. No real damage had been done luckily.
After spending a moment gathering my thoughts Phoenix suddenly asked if she could take control of the Incursus class frigate for a while. I only have one response when a space bunny asks to fly one of my ships and it's "can you fly stick?". Judging by her grin I could see she at least appreciated my corny humor so I gave her control of the ship.
Phoenix onlined the audio system and selected a track.
It wasn't long before we found ourselves face to face with a small frig gang who appeared to be visiting from high sec. They locked our Incursus and started firing. One Incursus from their fleet had jumped through the stargate to Ladister in an attempt to catch us should we try to flee. A Punisher, Rifter, and Ares remained on the Aschee side of the Aschee/Ladister gate. In an attempt to separate our foes Phoenix initiated the jump sequence causing the ship to lurch from the activation of the giant stargate.
Upon landing in Ladister the enemy Incursus was allowed to tackle us as the Ares soon followed. By the time the dust had settled they had lost an Incursus and a Punisher before killing my Incursus. Hats off to Phoenix for a job well done. I wasn't too upset about the loss considering the odds. We sped back to Heverice and celebrated the exciting engagement in the close quarters of my luxury escape capsule ;)
I was spending a little recreational time (and isk) in one of Heverice's fine space pubs. Suddenly four beautiful women entered and sat next to me at the bar. After a second glance it turned out there were only two and I was just seeing double. Introductions were made and I learned that they went by the names of Broadway
and Poppy Seed.
Poppy Seed made her way to the antique jukebox and selected a song.
Apparently they were two drifters that happened to be passing through the area. After several drinks things were getting pretty out of control and we found ourselves stumbling around the hanger district. It wasn't but moments later that a brand new Incursus class frigate was being loaded with spirits and prepared for undock. It's name was "Mexico or Bust" and this was just the beginning of a reckless week of mayhem. We boarded the ship...
Most of what happened is now a blur but we made sport of many rookie pilots... Rifter, Rifter, Incursus, Execuror, Thorax, Rifter, Incursus, Merlin, Merlin, Retriever, Cormorant, and Punisher... For any rookie pirate looking to become a Tusker that right there friends with only one ship is more then enough to meet the solo kill requirement of the Tuskers.
I ran into a few fellow Tuskers along the way and teamed up to kill an Execuror, Rifter, and a Caracal
Poppy Seed also bet me I couldn't ninja on an Archon class carrier killmail with a silly rookie ship.
9 Pods were destroyed.
We also made a new friend
Jarvan Gray > lol you even looted my wreck for the t1 items? Jarvan Gray > thats a new low Jarvan Gray > Its kinda sad even Jarvan Gray > the tuskers here yesterday would win fights, then leave their T2 drones lying around because it was too much effort to scoop them up again Jarvan Gray > I may have to eve-mail your ceo as to your lack of omnipotence Jarvan Gray > very disapointing Mr Snypes > the rest of the corp is asking who your favourite tuskers are Jarvan Gray > Shrafe was the fellow who so masterfully ganked everyone in the system yesterday Mr Snypes > hmm seems like a good choice he's got top spot for kills this week so far Jarvan Gray > The eve Mail has been Sent, I'm sure Mr. jolo will reprimand you in short order! Mr Snypes > excellent I'm sure I will get to read it soon Jarvan Gray > You will recieve a firm talking to, no doubt Jarvan Gray > If that doesn't make you tremble in your space booties, I dont know what will Mr Snypes > Pop music is about the only thing I'm affraid of Jarvan Gray > Then perhaps it will be played on your TS Jarvan Gray > I know how ruthless you pirate types are
Partied with other pirates in local...
Mr Snypes > Somebody throws a baby.... Oh sh*t! Do a spin move and catch it and the crowd goes crazy! Mr Snypes > \o/ eviwyn > xD eviwyn > (o) *eviwyn crowsurfs eviwyn > lol eviwyn > late on evening == bad spelling xD Mr Snypes > no worries pirates aren't supposed to be good at spelling eviwyn > true :D eviwyn > as long as we do the yarrr its all fine *Mr Snypes does a killer dance move before selecting jump Mr Snypes > o7 eviwyn > o7
Sure there aren't any seriously epic or amazing kills in there but it just goes to show you can have THAT much fun for the price of one frigate. As I was ejected from the ship I swear I saw another escape capsule make it's way to safety. I have a feeling that's not the last any of us will see of Broadway and Poppy Seed as they make their way across the galaxy one adventure at a time.
(Just something to listen to while you read that will add to the post)
I was off the bridge spending a little personal time in the Captains quarters with crew members Cherry, and Daisy.
The ship was drifting off a planet in a quiet section of space. Suddenly, the alarms sounded and a call to battle stations came over the intercom. I thew on my bathrobe and pirate boxers and ran towards the bridge with no time for such details as socks or a uniform. Upon arriving a Diemos class Heavy Assult Ship was 24km off my mighty Thorax class cruiser. Upon a closer inspection he was fielding T2 medium blasters. Instead of running like a coward I saw my advantage and ordered an orbit set for 17km and began firing my scorch loaded medium pulse lasers in addition to setting a deck of medium drones upon my foe.
Things were looking pretty groovy as I appeared faster then my foe and he had no real way of reaching me other then a set of med drones he himself had fielded. All of a sudden time stood still. I had a vision that I was some primitive humanoid playing an inferior game device that had frozen and refused to function properly. By the time the vision had faded the Diemos had overheated and caught me in close quarters. I did what I could and swapped to multifrequency but by the time I was able to overheat my own microwarpdrive and pull away once again the damage had been done. At about 20km just moments from completing my escape maneuver the mighty Rainbow Sprinkles succumbed to drone fire and disintegrated into a fireball.
I was depressed. I truly believe that I stood a chance against such a ship and the glory of my win would have been epic and cemented the success of my laser nano thorax into the history books. Unfortunately the gods decided to punish me for my sins. Hopefully Cherry and Daisy managed to escape from the doomed ship because I still had some unfinished business with them. Pirate life can be heartbreaking at times.
